Talking to Your Kids About Adopting

As I write this, we are awaiting our 6th child. 

Stephen and I have five kids in our home.  Sheridan (16), Luke (14), Isaac (11), Ru (8), and Harvest (5).  Talking to our kids about adoption has been different with each stage of development for our kids. 

The First Conversations

Our parenting style is one that allows for conversation, transparency, and room for growth (and a whole lotta grace!)  When Stephen and I were called to adopt two children from Ethiopia, our boys were 6 and 4.  We were able to explain what adoption was, let them ask questions, and allow them to express how they were feeling.  Honestly, it was pretty easy.  They wanted another brother and a sister — however God brought them into our lives, they were good with it! 

A few years later, we were unexpectedly led to adopt a little girl from India.  Our kids had matured but were still young enough to go with the flow with mom and dad’s decision.  Yes, they had questions, but overall it was relatively easy.  Our current adoption was even more unexpected than when we adopted Harvest from India. 

Our 6th Child

We were on a trip back to Ethiopia when Stephen shared with me that he had been wrestling with the vision of having a 6th child, specifically a daughter from China.  After God confirmed this adoption in my heart as well, we knew we needed to have the adoption conversation with our kids. 

I knew deep down this talk wouldn’t go so smoothly.  Stephen and I actually pegged each one of our kids’ responses.  That initial conversation was hard. There were tears, hard words spoken, and we left with confusion as to how to move forward with the adoption.  After we had a night to sleep on the emotions, we got to the heart of our kids.

The Hearts of Our Children

We peeled back the layers of fear.  Our oldest shared that he feared he would lose time with us, when he only has a short time left in our home, our second son shared with us where his heart was which opened up an important conversation of having  a family that looks different than most.

He actually stated he felt like the “normal” kid and not so special. Once we heard our kids’ hearts and worked through all the questions, they were all-in with our next adoption. 

As difficult as the initial conversation was, it led to such growth in all of us.  Stephen and I need to be continually digging into the hearts of our kids. 

Parenting can be messy, but it is so wonderful to have the openness in a family to share the hard things we may be struggling with.  I am so grateful I get to watch my kids walk through this adoption journey with us. They are ready for Grace to come home!